I Hate That Day

Yes, that is what my husband said to me, “I hate that day.” Meaning “my birthday” because it falls on the weekend of *******fest. I held it all together even though I was fighting back my tears. I did not want to show my husband that his words hurt me. I did not say anything back to him. I walked away.

For years, I have felt unwanted. I have written about my childhood experiences in my previous blogs. These words were a tough one to swallow. In the past, I would have cried myself to sleep. I would have felt hopeless. I would have felt like I was a mistake.

NOT TODAY……I did NOT cry myself to sleep. I did NOT shed one tear. I am NOT hopeless, and I am definitely NOT a mistake.

God loves me. God gives me hope. God is the One who gave me life.  

My narcissist husband is not going take those things away from me. Even his hostile evil words are not going to break my spirit.

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Ann

 

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12 thoughts on “I Hate That Day

  1. Ann, you must read the blog called Knowing the Narcissist by H G Tudor. He is a narcissist and he speaks openly about how he and his kind think, react etc. I have gotten so much peace from it. While it’s horrifyingly accurate, it changed my way of thinking. Perhaps it will help you too.

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    1. Yes, I read his blog. Sometimes I get halfway thru and I have to stop reading. It is so true that it frightens me. Every word that he says I can put a check by it. Yep, that has happened. Yep, that would have happened. Yep, that will probably happen…..

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      1. I know. I feel the same way about that blogger. But it also gives me straight answers and satisfaction that it wasn’t me, it’s not about me and it never was. Huge relief. I can see things more clearly after reading from the narcissist point of view and while it’s horrifyingly accurate many times in direct relation to my life, it’s helping to piece the puzzle back together and move along. I hope you’re ok. Read the escape the narcissist book by him. Gives tips on dealing with them.

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      2. Yes, I will have to read that book. I see what you are saying. For me I get mad at myself. I know I am NOT the problem and I never was the problem. It took me 17 YEARS to figure that out! That is the upsetting part.
        Narcissists are so cunning and manipulative.

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      3. I was married for 22 years and I didn’t know so please don’t beat yourself up over it. They are a different breed as are we, so you can’t expect to understand what you couldn’t possibility have imagined in your wildest nightmare.

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  2. I am so proud of you Ann! You keep getting stronger sis. Keep that hope alive because you are worthy, you are wanted, you are a beautiful person AND God loves you!

    The strength you are now showing will have a major impact!

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  3. Ann I hope you managed to enjoy parts of your day. I find some of your posts hard to read. I have been there many times.I learned his technique was to allow the day to be nice but deliberately ruin it at the end. Once you know the pattern you can work out strategies to deal with it.
    In my experience they get an extra kick from allowing you to be really happy for a while and then finding a way to ruin it. I found ways to take my power back. The last straw was the day he ruined my daughter’s birthday. I decided that if he ever did it again I would ignore his birthday forever. He was much better after that.

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    1. I am sorry with that my writings are reminding you of your past abuse. That is heart-wrenching to me….. I would never want an other woman to go through this cycle. Consequently, it is so prevalent. I understand the #Me too movement. Victims of emotional abuse should have their own movement. This abuse is silent and less talked about.
      I really do enjoy parts of my day. I love my girls, my dog, and my quite time.
      Happy to upset.. Yes, I understand what you are saying. In the past I could never put my finger onto what was happening. It is another narcissist’s cycle. When he tries to pull me down, I don’t budge. I am trying to stay firm.

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