I have not seen my brother since my sister in-law passed away. My brother has remarried and started a whole new chapter in his life. I am happy for him. However, it took a while for the girls and I to adjust to his new life. It all happened very quickly. However, my new sister in-law is a very nice, Christian woman and I think we will become very close.
After visiting with my mother yesterday and discussing her options, my brother asked if I would like to go out to lunch. I said yes, even though any type of food did not sound good. But, I wanted to talk privately with my brother and my new sister in-law, “M”.
My brother has known for a very long time that something has been “wrong”. When he would ask me, I would always brush off the question. I never told him the real truth. First, I did not think anything was “wrong” and secondly I did not want my brother to hate my husband. I did this for the sake of our families. This past July, God opened my eyes. Yes, something was wrong! Yes, I need help!
My brother asked me what was going on with my husband and I. I started to cry and shake. I told my brother what happened after his phone call the other day. How my husband really laid into me. My brother looked at me and with his mouth opened. I could see the distress in his eyes. My brother said that he always knew that something was not right with my husband. I told M and my brother bits and pieces of the abuse that I have endured for the past 17 years. I was not ready to expose everything. However, what I did say made my brother and M want to cry. M hugged me as I was crying and she said that she will be here for me.
My brother’s first reaction was to protect me. I told him that he would make things worse if he went after my husband. I told both of them that I have a plan. I am doing everything slowly, step by step. My brother told me to do the following things:
*Do not do anything until my youngest daughter is 18 (in 3 1/2 more years).
*Put a stash a money away each week
*Find a different job
*See a Financial Adviser
All of the above things have been in my plan. My brother said that my husband is going to fight me with everything he has and he is going to tarnish my name. He is going to make me look crazy and evil. My brother said that my husband will drag this divorce on for the pure pleasure of hurting me. Everything that my brother and M said was the truth.
My brother and M both said that plenty of guys would treat me better than how I have been treated. They also called my husband a f****** a****** for having 3 beautiful women in his life and ruining everything.
Nine months ago I would have NEVER exposed the abuse to anyone. I didn’t even think it was abuse that I was going through. I thought it was all me… and my actions. It took a lot of courage for me to expose just a few things. However, this is the beginning of my journey to heal.
I had 6 hours of driving yesterday to think about everything. While I was in my car, I cried and I prayed. I know deep down in my heart, that this is one step in the right direction.