My emotions are a twisting tornado that keeps going around and around in my head. Since my MIL has been staying with us for the past week, my husband has been “sane” for the most part. I know it is all an act. However, with the “saneness” of my husband comes a tornado of emotions. What am I feeling right now?
I am filled with sadness….
I am raging with anger…..
I am feeling forgiveness for him……
I am feeling love for him………
I am feeling sympathy for him……
I am feeling guilt!!!!
I am very upset with myself for feeling ANY remorse for him. This past Monday my husband started to talk to me again. The attention and smoothness in his voice draws me back again. WHY am I doing this to myself? I know when my MIL leaves it will be back to the way it was. My husband does not want his mother to know his dirty little secret. This cycle of abuse is so daunting. I know have to stay strong and not give into his act. It is all a lie to make himself look good in front of his mother.
“By numbing myself from your pain is better than feeling the effects from your abuse. No matter how hard you stab me you will no longer hurt me.”