I haven’t written much about my husband lately. I go on trying to make it to the next day. My heart aches from the pain that he has caused in my life. I bare the scars of his words and his actions almost everyday. My husband will never change. He is blinded my his evilness. The only time he is not blinded is when he is with his friends. They give him the admiration and love that I don’t. It is hard to love a person who is so vile.
Yesterday my husband would not lay off of me. I honestly thought I was going to lose it. My strength kept me from breaking down. I was proud of myself because I did not shed one tear. I was not going to have him make me cry. Not this time or ever again. One of the things he was yelling at me was why I don’t have sex with him…..
I told him 2 months ago that I was done. That I was no longer in love with him. I told him that we should go our separate ways. Unfortunately, he did not listen to me. It was if that conversation never happened……
He said that he doesn’t understand why I’m not in love with him.. This is frightening to me… He also said that I withhold sex from him as a form of punishment….. He said that he is always there for me….. He said he doesn’t understand why I don’t like the same activities that he likes….He said that I don’t want to do anything with him. All of his friends spouses do things together but NOT ME.. He said that I am boring……He said that I can’t take criticism.
While he was saying these things my blood was boiling. I was mad. It is all about what I DO WRONG… Everything!!! I asked him why he was with such a bitch for a wife? He couldn’t give me one reason why he was with me.
I really wanted to walk out but I stayed because of my girls. I am trapped in this perpetual cycle of complete utter chaos…..I want to be let go. His mind is so warped it honestly scares me.
Yes, the affair that I am having is an escape for me… It’s an escape from reality….